can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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