Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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