"it" just moved
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
