I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
