A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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