I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
