the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
