69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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