Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
