Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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