i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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