Don't you send me to vm
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
