Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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