Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
