Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
