it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize