Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Even my vagina gasped.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
