shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
