I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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