yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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