chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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