I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am mentally ready for anal.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
