If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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