Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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