So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize