i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pants are for mortals
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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