All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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