Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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