I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
