I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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