If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need to align my fucking chakras
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
