While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
