First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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