If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
