No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
