We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
