eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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