Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
