12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
