I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
