my mouth tastes like poor choices
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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