Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I know her cup size but not her name....
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