Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
