its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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