Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
