I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
