You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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