his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
