highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
