there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
