You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
