Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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