I wish my penis had an off switch
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
