I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
