I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
