im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
