Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
