Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
