I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
