the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
pop tarts are not kleenex
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
