dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
