why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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