Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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