How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
