Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
