i was born a porn star she said
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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