Screwed.edu
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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