mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
