I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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