pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
