Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize