i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
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