You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
did you just send me my own nude
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
