fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize