BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
