When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Congratulations! We have a period
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
