onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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