K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
