i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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