I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
