I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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