Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize