Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
