There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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