She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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