Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
