Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
