apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
