Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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