Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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