I got chris browned last night
I think my vagina is haunted
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize