i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
