I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
