oh god the rape fog is back!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it glows. i had to have it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
