Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
