sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
