I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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