dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
