Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think my mom watched the whole time
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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